


In which Dante is a woman and thus everything turns out better, possibly

by SenTheSeventh



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Crack, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, F!Dante, Gen, Genderbending, Humor, Might be read as incest-y if you squint, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 05:23:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18910423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenTheSeventh/pseuds/SenTheSeventh
Summary: Set during DMC3. In an alternate universe where Dante is a woman, the twins meet at the top of the Temen-Ni-Gru for the first time.Vergil disapprove of Dante's fashion choices.





	In which Dante is a woman and thus everything turns out better, possibly

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'e by the very awesome [Sootandshadow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sootandshadow/), who deserves all the praise you can give them!

The twins look at each other. Dante’s face is split with a fake grin, a wild spark in her pale eyes; Vergil…

Vergil just crosses his arms, disapproval carved in his face like rain crevices on an ageless statue.

“What’s the matter, bro? You see your lil’sis after aaall this time and _this_ is the happy look she get?” Dante calls, gesturing with her sword.

“Your strap.”

Dante’s gaze travels down her own chest, to where leather barely contains her generous cleavage. “The boob one? Again? Told you already, I’m not changing it! I look cool with it. It adds to my style.”

Somehow, Vergil’s disapproving look gets even darker.“I’m not fighting you.”

“What! Why?”

“I already told you when we faced each other last.”

“When you fled, you mean?”

“I didn’t _flee_ ,” Vergil snaps. “Your strap was inches away from slipping.”

“What are you looking at when we fight, you pervert?”

“At your ridiculous strap so I don’t cut it by accident, sister.”

“You’re so dramatic! It’s only, like, one per cent of my body surface. You’re skilled enough to avoid it, aren’t ya?”

“Close that coat or we’re not fighting. That strap is not suitable fighting attire. The only thing holding it up right now is all the… flesh jutting around it.”

“No better way to prove that this baby’s sturdy than fighting you, don’t cha think!” Dante exclaims, and rushes him.

Their duel is wrathful, intense, and it leave her with the bitter taste of defeat.

When she wakes up, the asshole stole her amulet and her strap, which was indeed cut during the fight, but it’s all Vergil’s own damn fault since he put Rebellion through it. Also, he put a bra and a shirt on her while she was unconscious. Where did he even find women’s underwear? Had he bought it being sure he would win? To make matters worse, it’s plain and white, the kind that devout schoolgirls wear for church, and it’s absolutely not her style!

“One more reason to kick your ass,” she whispers under the rain.

Joke’s on him, though, because she destroys the bra in a needlessly dramatic but incredibly spectacular fashion, then tears and twists the shirt to use as a makeshift replacement for her strap before she leaves to hunt him down. Not unexpectedly, since she’s never been good at this DIY stuff, it snaps apart like two seconds into their next duel.

Fighting is kind of painful when her boobs are going in so many directions at once, even in demon form, but Vergil’s suddenly fumbling with his sword. She’s sure she would have won if the goddamn coward hadn’t kicked her away and fled – well, more like ragequitted, if Dante was perfectly honest, but she’s never been good with the truth and she’s not about to start now.

“Chicken!” She shouts as she runs after him. “What about your grand tower plan, huh?”

“Buy yourself a shirt, you shameless slob! I’m not humoring your exhibitionist fantasies!” He shouts back, which is not a proper answer.

Anyway, she easily dispatches the weird bald guy with an ugly face tattoo that was desperately searching for Vergil, then fights a very angry gun-wielding teenager, and everything is well that ends well until month later, when she hears about a strange portal that’s been opened in the Asian continent.

So far away, uh?

She takes her fancier boob strap as she prepares her luggage for the flight.

Call it a woman’s intuition, but she _knows_ Vergil’s gonna love it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading my silliness! I might actually write one more in the same universe one day, haha. Hope y'all have a lovely day <3


End file.
